at this moment, the house of commons are debating serious matters: there are far too many starlings in trafalgar square ... with the aid of smoked-glass ear trumpet and reconditioned head is captain hairy seagoon, specially selected for a specially dangerous mission. bloodnok: put these in a jar of hair oil! THE SCREENS!!! (i met her on the stairs once.) In the first two series the action revolved around the exploits of Professor Osric Pureheart (Bentine), an absent-minded professor whose plans never lead to success. it takes a brave person to ask for something to eat or drink. willum: ’ere, you can’t park that there, sir. gryptype-thynne: champion barbed wire hurdler, until his tragic accident. sellers: hold it up to the light, not a brain in sight! no so fast: neddie feels faint, henry's sporran gets soggy, and bluebottle arrives via the bathroom tap. tuesday is oblong. Milligan's scripts would often create challenges for the technical crew - for example, how to make the sound of several people rolling up their trousers (this sound was eventually represented by a set of blinds being rolled up quickly). he attempts to free his master, robin hood, but will he be deaded first? moriarty: but first - our glorious national anthem! grytpype-thynne and moriarty try to bury the new canal across africa - for aeroplanes - so they can restore the moriarty zeppelin service to full schedule. greenslade: and now here is a recording for people who don’t like that sort of thing. ‘fingers’ seagoon attempts to commit the greatest crime of the twentieth century—but he's stuck in a pillar box. thank you, jeeeem fans! moriarty: the money! you can't see it. here is neddie toulouse-lautrec, the famous french impressionist (all right; do al jolson!). greenslade: the part of the cornish idiot was played by a well-known cornish idiot player. eccles: my mother says that liquorice gives you a good run for your money! bloodnok: then why are you covered in mince? Download and buy high quality Goon sound effects. singhiz: thirty-six cardboard replicas of nelson's column from the inside. the grisbi! dishonoured or the fall of neddie seagoon. 1876 and all's well. grytpype-thynne: i quote from this plasticene monument of gilbert harding ... crun: and then we’d better rub some thin people’s herbs into our legs. crun: and stop flashing your insteps, min. greenslade: owing to frost, the swimming gala at lords cricket ground has been postponed. neddie seagoon tries to thwart an underground terrorist organisation intent on wrecking the capital's commercial life by blanketing london with an artificial foreign fog that makes people think nothing but the best of each other. meanwhile, mr lalkaka was speaking line three and mr lalkajee hadn't spoken line two yet. bluebottle: you mean i've been wasting my time? omnibuses sold. bannister: it's nice of you to think of my skull! spriggs: i can see you didn't come from sardines, jeeeem! Peter Cook and The Beatles were also fans. GRAMS: train whistle. stop i say!’ ‘it's a copper.’ ‘i'm not a policeman!‘ ’i beg your pardon, madam.’ ‘i'm not a policewoman, either!’ ‘i say, you're cutting it rather fine, aren't you?’. spriggs: wait a minute, jeeeem. eccles: well it's a good thing for you i can't spell. moriarty: then no one will saw it except me ... seagoon: take that scented rose from behind your ear and hand me that woollen microphone. grytpype-thynne: he is count jeeeem (kidney wiper) moriarty ... moriarty: it’s an insult to people without knees to hear that type of stuff. answer me! oh, hold on, i’ll nip back an’ get it. that pound’s a forgery! the chinese government is velly anxious that blitish flyermen should put flyer out. working through the night in his laboratory, dr seagoon discovers the growths are hair! After the war, they met Sellers and Bentine. gryptype-thynne: we are mountaineering on a rather tight budget. gryptype-thynne: the legs you see protruding from that swill bucket ... eccles: what do you know, i speak three languages! a: when it's ajar.’ guarantees like that cannot be easily dismissed. hern: all the contestants have guessed their own occupations correctly. can henry crun and his waterproof underwater gas-stove, save the day? moriarty: and there’s more where that came from, i tell you! seagoon: just look at the lousy wages politicians get. eccles: it was taken without a camera, you know. i will not speak ... bluebottle: ’ere… what you doin’ with dat red-hot poker? lalkaka: ... and my feet are in the highlands ... crun: our water rates are high enough as it is. neddie is bound for the americas on board the ss. the initials on the corner must mean. bloodnok: well, take a bus to the house of commons, that’s the finest political asylum in the world. seafaring seadog sir walter ‘neddie’ raleigh (got any fags?) Contact our creative partners at. a story that will thrill every son-of-a-goon, starring those legendary heroes of the old west—hard riding, hard shooting, hard-up! bloodnok: 23rd of november? bloodnok: dear lord plunger, i enclose ... yokel: of course you did, now wasn't that lovely? seagoon: stop that or you'll go blind, i tell you! biff! bluebottle: wait 'til I see that twit bert. moriarty: unimportant minister extraordinary to the republic of yacabaku. now is the time for their wake-up call—seagoon for president! the british embassy in old peking is ablaze. seagoon: by saint george, you drive me hard, sir! your daddy must have had a talk with you then. spriggs: must be something wrong with the line, jeeeem! not quite all, actually. It lead the way for a new kind of comedy, using a mixture of surrealism and innovative new radio production techniques. capt hern: bring that thing closer, willya? Bloodnok was a total coward and a womaniser. bloodnok: and other disgusting noises ... greenslade: this disjointed conversation. wanted: one horse-hair stuffed zeppelin disguised as the 7:20 train to bradford with crun's bank attached and going in the direction of up! i didn’t write that one! bloodnok: i shall be glad when my ten years subscription runs out. greenslade: due to a fault in the wiring ... idiot: oh. grytpype-thynne: you know these blinds are drawn ... seagoon: my grandmother keeps a duck farm in kent ... bloodnok: someone knocking on the door with a duck! the dreaded batter pudding hurler (of bexhill-on-sea). who are you, you two characters? water is flooding the market. a large hole has appeared in the thames embankment wall and people are falling through it. you turned the lighthouse light out last night! it's the year skrimpson skrampson and two and ned seagoon has fallen victim to sennapod addiction. crun: it's alright, i can't get the wood. spriggs: why are you wearing legs, jeeeem? and what's more, on this fateful day, a disease was invented that has now become a part of the british way of life! german: just about everybody, i think ... bluebottle: i got an electric twit for christmas. seagoon: splendid! ooooh! He said he often couldn't solve Neddie's problems because, you can't get the wood you know. grytpype-thynne: you silly twisted boy, you. it was in the year 1656 that the dreaded nadger plague swept across europe like the dreaded nadger plague of 1656. the great hairy caber of the clan macreekie, symbol of scottish power and manhood, has been stolen by the reeking non-hairy sassenach english! capt jeeeem ‘groins’ moriarty has revealed the secret of rocket boots to the cambridge leaping team and john snagge may ask neddie to hand in his tiddlies. the minister for military-type foods is forced to disclose that the picture regarding christmas pudding for the forces overseas looks pretty black. count of ten. gryptype-thynne: only if he’s abdicated. the feathered non-saxophone-playing senapati tribesmen have stolen a recording of the only victory they have ever had over the british and are playing it on the red bladder radio station. lakagee: i am in complete accordment with the statement you have just vouchsafed. grytpype-thynne: well, hold this white-hot poker. grytpype-thynne: do you mind if I have a strange request? These feet I'm using are exhausted. hern: and that precious american quality, called money ... bloodnok: the man who broke the bank at monte carlo. ), nicotine ned of wales anticipates the government health warnings and decides to give up smoking. spriggs: thank you, jeeeem fans! they're going to to do the story of the film of the book of the tram—, the scene is a watertight alibi in chelsea, london, wc. this gripping tale on which no money has been spared is presented for the first time entirely in glorious sponcolour on the new wide screen secombe. There was also this legendary requirement: the sound of Neddie and Eccles driving a wall at speed. crun: he had to put 'em in cardboard boxes ... seagoon: what are those lumps at the bottom of the foothills? crun: i'm trapped behind a rosewood piano, min. a saga of mysterious boot explosions caused by a weakening in britain's deposits of scradje, a substance found below the earth's surface which radiates upwards thus preventing boots from exploding. minister: fiery speeches like this will save the party. bloodnok: she's just coming to the boil ... the mystery of the marie celeste (solved). ring again tomorrow and we'll have another game. the collapse of the british rail sandwich system. it is 1899 and always on time. neddie's schooling is nearly complete—after forty-three years—but now that he's home he must promise to never. the story of wallace greenslade, who, seeking refuge from hard work, became a bbc announcer by stealing eccles' immortal line, ‘winds light to variable!’. grytpype-thynne: i suppose he makes somebody happy ... grytpype-thynne: the great count jim ‘strains-supreme’ ... moriarty! spriggs: we can’t give jobs to any tom, dick, or harry seagoon. eccles: but they said they were giving me the sack. national health surgeon dr seagoon is the first to catch the plague—the symptoms are bare knees.

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